Winding Word

So I have this cutty buddy and our arrangement is pretty lucrative, to say the least. No strings. No complications and great sex in every variation. But sometimes we find ourselves in interesting margins that blur the line between friends with benefits, platonic courting, and legitimate intimacy. The result is me getting caught up with emotions that made me want to pursue a more extended relationship but that wasn't what they were looking for. Hurt, I cut everything off so that I could protect myself. I didn't like the feelings of confusion and it was for the best. However more recently my horniness got the best of me and I found my "friend" in my bed again. Now we're going out on dates and such, back and forth with who pays. Interestingly enough, they invited me to the concert of one of my favorite singers. Naturally, I was excited at the prospect of spending quality time with them and a side of good music. Randomly, to up the ante on the weekend, they suggested we go up a day earlier to DC to hang out with some of their friends and then the next morning make the trek to Richmond for the concert. Turns out, this whole weekend was supposed to be a freak fest for me and my wonderful friend. Mmph.I had no idea. And then we spent half this weekend having sex and the other half of it ignoring each other; or rather my friend ignored me. I will admit, I'm a bit put off because if this was supposed to be a freak fest weekend why did you keep pishing me away when I'm in sex mode? And if it was supposed to be an intimate weekend why do you keep missing the sweet simplicity in moments like us watching tv together? I mean, honestly you're so trifling if ever I tried to tell you how you'd find a way to make it my fault. I'm pissed. And everytime I think we have fixed this arrangement, you complicate things. Not that you're a bad person, but I'm just sayin.

Keeping it 100

This is me and my girl Eri, doin our normal thing of arguing about shit that's relevant to us, i.e., rap music today. It's pretty funny. We laughed at it. Anyway, check it out. Let me know whatchu think.

Miseducation of Dr. Jeff

Sooooooooo, my teacher came in looking a mess today in class. And coming off the steam of Senior Ball and lots of people looking extremely "put-together," shall we say, it's jarring to see someone look like they just rolled out of bed, took half the rollers out their head, and throw the rest of their hair into a scraggly ponytail. Wtf? Why would an educated, black, 30-something woman walk around like that? In this modern day, with an economic recession and a decreasing population of eligible, African American bachelors, why wouldn't you try your best to attract as many prospects as possible by fixing your damn hair?!!! Ugh. And you wonder why you can't find a man. I'm gone get you ass a flat iron as Graduation Gift, from me to you. I ain't hating Dr. Jeffrey. I'm just sayin.

Don't Change

So I'm talking to somebody and am happy to say so. We had been dancing around each other for some time. And here in Senior year, the last semester I finally balls up and told this person that I was crazy about them. Fellas, you know what I mean. Anyway, so me and this would-be lover of mine keep trying to spend time together for the greater half of a month and a half after my confession, but it's always hard with our busy schedules. Me, always in rehersal or a meeting for work. They, always out of town or busy living it up and inviting out to places that I can't get to until after I have fulfilled my extra obligations. We'd keep missing each other, but text messages of "I just really wish I could have chilled with you tonight." make it hard to just accept it as a lost cause. Finally, we plan a good day of hanging out: catch a movie, dinner, and chillin back at their place. It was all good and set in stone via texts. But in the end since we, two grown adults were still awake at 5 am I invite them over. Being attracted to me like I am to them they were there in two shakes. One thing lead to another and we ended up going all the way, after the sobering question "Is this what you want?" It was a good night and we fell asleep holding each other. But the day after, when we were to have our great date I can't get an answer to anything. Phone call. Voicemail. Text. No response. Message. No answer. I got stood up. I don't send anything. 1am text that says they were just waking up from the previous night.

Me: Are we hanging out still?

Them: I was drunk last night. I can't do that again tonight. That was a big step.

Me: I know. We can still go slow. I just wanted to see you. I guess I'll holla at you later.

Them: It wouldn't be so bad if we did that every now and then. If that's cool...

Me: That's cool with me.

No more texts. No phone calls. No prospects for later plans. I'm confused. If we both liked the sex and we like each other, why haven't I heard from you. Did I do something wrong. You asked me if that was what I want and I told you I did, but not just that. What's happening? If that made you uncomfortable we don't have to do that again. I just like spending time with you. Not that I'm complaining about a one-night stand, but if you want more please let me know. I can't read your mind baby. The spill about you being special wasn't just to get in your pants, but that's how you're making this feel. I'm just sayin.

You Love it When They Call You Big Poppa

I have a teacher that I have had for four years of college here at my semi-reserved historically black university. He has been awesome and taught me everything from how to write a research paper (except not really), to how not to go about getting your Colors. He has doubled for this same amount of time as my mentor. And I really look up to him. But in this, my last year of undergraduate study, he has been my instructor for Thesis and I find myself in a really bad place with him. It seems I visit his office and leave not only with more things to read, but a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach that maybe he and I have grown apart. The advice he gives now simply upsets me, and the instruction I recieve as a student (or lack thereof) confounds me in his class. He continues to emphasize the importance of this school year and his course yet he has office little more than a hock phlegm in the face with regards to helping me develop this Thesis that is supposed to be the summation of all my days here in the Hampton Bubble. And then I began to look at each of the courses I have taken. African American Lit. American Lit. Writing Research. And I realize that in each of these courses I haven't learned anything except how to bullshit my way through another class. And now he looks at me in his office, like I should know things that, prerequiste classes I had with him as the professor, never taught me. That's a major blow! And what's ironic about the entire situation is that he has been bullshitting us the teaching of these courses too. So he really can't get mad at me not having any structure in my brain, because he clearly hasn't cultivated that in me for 4 years. He has no structure his damn self. He can't impose this one outline on my life and decide that I should blindly do it. It ain't even finna go down like that. You can start this conversation Doc, but I guarantee I am going to finish it. Plain and simple whatever disarray my Thesis ends up in is as much a failure of yours as it is mine. And if I don't pass this my last class at school with you, I'm blowing up a building (but not really). Then I'm coming for you. A nigga is not whining, but damn it, I'm just sayin.

Winter WonderLand

So it snowed in Hampton Roads today. And I, being one of those wonderful people born in a SunBelt State was exceptionally happy because it was an official "Snow Day" so to speak. I woke up telling my roommate how I was going to start a snowball fight with him, make a snowman, and lay down to make a snow angel or two. He laughed at me and said, "This isn't real snow. It's like one layer of snow covering the ground." And I was upset. Clearly, I see how much snow there is outside, and I don't give a damn what he says. I'm going out there to play in it. It's cold. It's white. And I'm going to gather enough of it to have me a good time in. Why can't he let me and all others like myself enjoy this moderate winter weather that we never got the chance to see. I mean I just wanted the chance to wear my overly huge, super thick suede Ecko coat with the fox fur around the collar and my Timbos. Can you blame me? I'm gonna enjoy this little slice of Yankee Weather because who knows when we'll have a fluke like this again? Not that I'm extremely put off by what they do "up top" in the colder months, but I just want them to let me rock for a moment. Humor me. I ain't finna go shrieking through the night in celebration of this melodious blanket of white winter powder, but I'm just sayin.

We Gotta Do Better

As usual, while doing my homework I took a break to see what was interesting or new on the circuit and as a member of the NAACP I found an email in my inbox that I had not yet read. It was from the president of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People, Dr. Benjamin Jealous. In this email he discussed the protestation efforts being made by our organization to reform the media being controlled by Rupert Murdock at the New York Post. The cartoon detailing a monkey being shot as he was the author of the $800 Million Stimulus Package was obviously an attack on our faithful Nubian President. The fact that the majority of the population (pronounced "white-A-mer-i-ca) didn't see anything wrong with this article's content or the extremely offensive cartoon showed that we still have a long way to go. Though I am not one to always get on my soap box I will for a moment. For so long the ideology that promoted everything from Eugenics to Neo-Nazi Purification, this cartoon comes from the same breadth that condemned those that descended from the Founders of Mother Earth to unintelligible members of the lower mammals. This is not something that we, black people, made up folks. If you cannot see the racial connotations in these sort of situations maybe you should reexamine your own tolerance to ethnocentric and intolerant messages. Yes, we have elected a black man as our president. But we still have not reached the Promised Land of Racial and Gender Equality. Not that we're all blind, or all racist, however we cannot allow blatantly disrespectful imagery to fly under the radar without someone's RaceMaker going off. I mean, I'm just sayin.